Why Marriages are not successful these days?

Marriage is a dream for every heart but now days we see less of the marriages get successful. We can see the difference, Its not like those marriages which always use to be long lasting at the times of our Parents and ancestors which now days inspire us . Now the main question which runs in everybody’s mind is how to make marriages successful.

We generally heard in our friend circles neighbors and relatives talks about the cases where marriages broke in few months or have lasted for a year hardly. Now Why these marriages easily break and doesn’t last for long time ?

So if we compare and see that in old days women’s use to have high tolerance and rarely they would raise there voice for any wrong done to them, than the women of now days better know there rights and they don’t tolerate much the injustice and do fights for there rights and are much strong independent and confident. This is good also nothing is bad to fight for ones own right.

Second thing is that in arrange marriages we meet for one or two times and on that bases we judge the person is good. Don’t you think it’s to early to say so, in first two or three meeting if we meet say any person he/she would always pretend that he is good and would only show his/her brighter side no one will open up to easily. So here more time should be given to understand and even parents should allow them to meet and then decide. Decision should not be taken very fast in very short period but at least 6 months time should be given in between as shortcut to any thing is bad.

Also if person has good qualities doesn’t means he is right material for wedding. If he good for all and everyone likes him then what is the difference that he is good for you. So, here we should not make decisions from heart but we should listen to our mind here as it requires thinking from long term aspects.

We should always give time to understand the other persons expectations from you and there you can match yours too . So let the other person speak don’t interrupt the more he will speak up the better you will get to know the person. But thinking to much is not good it also sometimes ruins the relationship. If still after knowing all is good and after marriage turnout different then it is your fate.

Well Good humor plays effective tool in new marriages for attracting the other person, but also for overcoming any awkwardness that arises during the process of getting to know one another. In established relationships, humor can keep things exciting, fresh, and vibrant. It can also help you get past conflicts, disagreements, and the tiny aggravations that can build up over time and wreck even the strongest of bonds. So being positive and with keeping patience not hurrying to the things with more understanding you can make it blossom, rest have faith in god .

Compatible with Love

Beautiful couple having coffee on a date

Finding someone you’re truly compatible with in many ways isn’t easy. When you finally do find someone who checks all the boxes, it’s only natural to feel like maybe this could be “The One.” But before you jump to that conclusion, it’s important to know difference between compatibility and love because often they’re not the same thing, knowing the difference can prevent you from staying in a relationship that isn’t built on actual love.

“Compatibility means that you get along with somebody very well,” You’re probably aware of what that looks like. When you’re compatible with someone, you enjoy each other’s company, you like the same or similar hobbies, and you may even like to eat the same food. Most importantly, you have similar views on marriage and kids.

Love, on the other hand, is a deeper emotion that you feel for another person, it compels you to be near them, to help them, to support them, to nurture them, and to do everything you can to protect them. It makes your heart skip a beat and you want to be with that person all the time. It also has an emotional and sexual nature unlike compatibility, which doesn’t always.

Basically, being in compatible relationship means that you work well together, enjoy each other’s company and have a good time. You’re very in-sync but tend to act more like friends or friends with benefits, than two people who are actually n love .You can have compatibility without love, But you can’t have love without compatibility.

So here are signs you may be mistaking compatbility for love, according to experts.

1. Your Relationship Makes You Feel Safe

You’re content with how things are and everything seems to just work. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that because feeling safe in your relationship is important. It only becomes a problem, when you become overly dependent on your partner for safety. If you’re only with your partner because being single again is terrifying, you may be in relationship for wrong reasons.

2. You Don’t Feel The Need To Be Vulnerable

A relationship that’s based on love should make you feel alive, fulfilled, and a bunch of other emotions. “Compatibility is different from this,” “When you’re in love, you’re taking a risk by making yourself vulnerable.” You’ll know it’s love based on the emotional ups and downs you may experience with your partner. Although too many ups and downs in your relationship should make you feel both good and not-so-great emotions that signify you are moving past your comfort-zone.

3. You’d Describe Your Relationship As “Nice”

One of the most confusing issues for women is when she’s been dating someone who shares common values and interests, but the attraction is not there,” Without attraction, your relationship may not be right for you even if it is nice. Some push and pull, some degree of tension, is required in order to ignite the spark.” Without that spark, it’s going to be difficult to be happy long-term.

4. Your Partner Is Just Your Type But There Are No Surprises

If your relationship doesn’t surprise you or challenge you in any way, that’s compatibility and not necessarily love. “Many times, finding love is a matter of being open to dating outside of your ‘type,’ “Most couples are surprised that they fell in love with someone they never thought would be their forever love.”

5. There Are Things About Your Partner You Really Want To Change

If you have a list of things you want to change about your partner, you may be mistaking compatibility for love. Love is all about acceptance.

6. You Need To Constantly Remind Yourself That You’re In A Good Relationship

If you find yourself constantly thinking about your ideal relationship and what your current relationship lacks, then there’s a problem. When you’re in love, you don’t need to constantly remind yourself that you’re in a solid relationship with a partner you enjoy being around. If you feel like something is missing, maybe there is. May be time to reevaluate your situation.

7. You’re Not Completely Sure You See Them In Your Future

Compatibility is related to the values you hold close. The person you’re dating may have those similar values, which is great. But that’s not always enough to make a relationship successfully last long-term.

If you want a relationship that’s based on actual love, check your feelings. Being with someone you’re compatible with can make your life easier. But love, even with all its ups and downs, can make your life much happier in the long run.

Being Assertive In Relationship

You have to know that you clearly defined your values back in step 1 – and be ok with that. If your values are so different, so be it. It’s ok if you’re not in each other’s lives any more.You can make other friends. Better friends who respect your boundaries.

When you’re not good at asserting yourself, you need a little more than that.

First off, you will make it a lot easier on yourself to assert your self at the first sign of something that crosses your boundaries.

This makes it easier on both parties because the longer you let things go, the more emotion & frustration you feel and you are more susceptible to wavering, and also because the person may not know that they crossed your boundary and will be caught off guard and possibly get upset that it wasn’t addressed sooner. Or maybe they’re embarrassed.

If you’re already past this point and it’s been happening for some time, you can start with “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about this but didn’t want to hurt or upset you, but I have a problem with…”

STEP 1 – Prepare

First you must clearly define your values and boundaries, so you know where you want/need to draw the line.

Then, you have some time to let your nerves die down and really make sure you are certain, as well as plan out what you’re going to say. Defining boundaries may not be easy, especially in personal relationships, so writing them down so you really truly are certain of them can really help.

And when you’re ready to have the conversation, take a deep breath and remember the reason she you’re having the conversation. Also, almost always have the conversation in private.

STEP 2 – Deliver with Tact

Next, you are most likely asking this because you fear upsetting people when you assert yourself.You can navigate around this fear(and make it clear that you’re considering their feelings) by disarming the assertion with positivity of some type.

Here are a few examples-

  1. How to Breakup With Someone: Listen, I’ve had a great time with you these last few months, and I haven’t come to this decision lightly because I really don’t want to hurt you, but for several reasons that are very important to me, I don’t think this relationship has long-term potential and I cannot continue to invest myself further in it”.
  2. How to Be a Good Friend: Hey… I’m saying this because I care about you and really value our friendship and I would never want to ruin that, but Sandy, you have quite the mustache goin’ on there and I wouldn’t be a very good friend if I let you walk around town looking like without telling you. Here, I bought you a razor. And some industrial-strength scissors. Yikes.”

STEP 3 – Be clear & firm

You need to be clear and firm when you assert yourself. Avoid using phrases that make it sound like your decision isn’t already made up and final.

People who like to walk all over others will sniff these words out like a hound dog, so remove weak or shaky language like these words at all costs: You may even need to literally say “…and my decision is final.”

STEP 4 – Stay firm.

The last step, and probably the hardest step, is to remain firm and not back down. It is definitely hard, especially at first, since you feared doing this because of the dreaded backlash. And the truth is: it might go well, or they might not like you for it.

Yeah, tough stuff.

Just know this: If you assert yourself and go back on it, people will respect you even less than before and they will absolutely know that they can walk all over you.You have to trust that you did your best to deliver the news in a way that didn’t hurt them and that after the initial shock, they will either accept the new boundary or the relationship will end.

Last note – don’t assume that it’s going to go badly. It’s good to be prepared just in case, but very often if you do assert yourself in the right way as I’ve outlined above, you will be heard and your boundaries will be respected.

Mental Health

Just terrible, you feel angry and frustrated, sometimes a single trigger is enough to set you off for the whole day.

When we talk about health we only tend to prioritize physical well-being completely ignoring mental illness despite it being so common. Let’s educate ourselves and others to spread awareness that mental health is as important as physical health and we should consider both as equally important.

Research suggests that in most cases it’s temporary but when you find condition getting worse with time, reach out for medical help without hesitating, being aware about it is most important.

Mental Health says you should be aware of and that could point to an underlying problem.

  • Excessive worrying or fear
  • Extreme feelings of sadness or an extended period of feeling low
  • Confusion, problems concentrating and/or learning
  • Unpredictable/extreme mood swings. Including manic type symptoms such as euphoria of feeling “on top of the world”.
  • Persistent anger or irritability, or uncontrollable anger
  • Withdrawal; avoiding social situations
  • Issues relating to or understanding others
  • A change in sleeping patterns; insomnia, low energy levels or always feeling tired
  • Increased or decreased appetite
  • Change in sexual habits; an extreme increase or decrease in activity
  • Problems with the perception of reality.
  • Difficulty recognizing their own emotions and there changes; called anosognosia.
  • Unexplainable aches and pains; headaches or muscle aches for example
  • Passive suicidal ideations. Active suicidal ideations are a medical emergency and should be evaluated by a professional.
  • May not be able to handle daily activities, stress or every day problems (minor issues)
  • Intense fear and/or obsession with weight gain and/or appearance

Children may exhibit different warning signs than adults.

If you or someone you know is feeling suicidal there is help out there. Suicide is not the answer. Someone is always available to listen at the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline . If you need help immediately please go to the nearest emergency room or dial 911.

Yes, mental illness can be treated. This means that many people who have a mental illness, and are treated, recover well or even completely. However, because there are many different factors contributing to the development of each illness, it can sometimes be difficult to predict how, when, or to what degree someone is going to get better.

When you or someone you know starts to feel mentally unwell, the first step in obtaining treatment is to see a doctor or other health professional for diagnosis. After a thorough assessment, a doctor can make a diagnosis based on a particular pattern of symptoms. A decision can then be made about the best treatment for these symptoms and their underlying.

There are lots of things that people with a mental illness can do for themselves, to help recover a balanced life. Healthy eating, getting plenty of sleep, and regular physical activity are all important to good mental health. Learning skills which help deal with stress, feeling down, relationships or the symptoms of the illness, are also ways in which someone with a mental illness can look after themselves.

Toxic Positivity

Toxic Positivity is destructive and unrealistic optimism, the denial that sadness has a place and a purpose in life, and the dismissal of the reality that sometimes things are not okay.

But, you need to understand that there exists a spectrum of emotions, because you are supposed to feel them every now and then. That is what makes you human, and allows you to live life. By rejecting them, you may be doing yourself great harm.

Remember that it is okay, important and therapeutic even, to feel your difficult feelings. Psychologists around the world say that by avoiding them and leaving them unprocessed, you may make them bigger.

Everybody’s battle is different. You are fighting your own. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise. When you accept your emotions, you may process them better by decreasing their intensity. The key is to understand that emotions are not good or bad, and positive or negative. They are just a way to guide you through whatever it is that you are going through in life.

A classic example would be someone telling you that things are not so bad, as opposed to telling you that they realize you are not doing okay, and that they are there for you, should you want to talk to them.

There is a common example of optimism that I’ve heard many times in the past—a glass being full or empty. There are many responses to that question: “At least the glass has something!” or “It’s not much, but it’s better than nothing!” and so on…

Let’s say you’re attending the funeral of a friend’s dead family member. With toxic positivity, it can lead to thoughts that may not seem bad to the person who is thinking it, but to others, it comes off as extreme—maybe even selfish.

It takes away from the fact that something bad has happened and it detaches you from certain situations. You try to see the good in things to the point where you just can’t make yourself unhappy, and yes, that maybe a benefit, but not in all cases. Sometimes you need to grieve. Sometimes you need to feel.

You can’t make someone feel happy if they do not by telling them to ‘look on the bright side’ or ‘keep your chin up’ We should feel pain also when it is there so that we can realize that something has happened actually and even should feel joy fully when in happy moment of life. As giving pain killer(Toxic positive dose) will for sometime may relieve us from pain and would not let us feel the actual situation which has effected and how body is responding which is very much important to know for treating it well.

It’s Ok to Cry loud in Sorrow and Laugh Loud in Joy!!

Kalimirch Health Benefits

Benefits of Kalimirch (Black Pepper)

1. Kalimirch paste helps reduce redness and itchiness in case of skin allergy due to its Tikshna (sharp) and Vata-Kapha balancing property.

2. Kalimirch paste also helps to manage arthritis pain when applied on the affected area due to its Vata balancing property.

3. Kalimirch (Black pepper) oil gives relief in eczema by reducing itching when applied externally due to its Tikshna (sharp) property.

Kalimirch powder at home

1. Clean all the Kalimirch corns properly.
2. Heat a pan and then add the corns.
3. Roast them for about 1-2 minutes till it becomes light brown.
4. Switch off the gas and let it cool.
5. Then after a few minutes, transfer all the contents to a blender and grind well.
6. Now, transfer this freshly prepared Kalimirch powder to an airtight container and use as required.

Herbal tea

We can add Kalimirch in herbal tea due to its rich nutrient content. It has anti-inflammatory and anti-bacterial properties which help prevent various diseases.

Protects from cancer

This spice also contains Vitamin C, Vitamin A flavonoids, carotenes and other Anti-oxidant that neutralize the harmful free radicals in your body thereby protect you from cancer. Studies have suggested that black pepper can stall the progression of Skin Cancer, Bowel Cancer and colon cancer.

Weight loss

Kalimirch, when taken in moderate amount, is good for weight loss as it improves the metabolism of the body. Kalimirch can be used for weight management when added to the diet. Kalimirch helps to improve metabolism and reduce Ama (toxic remains in the body due to improper digestion). This is due to its Deepan (appetizer) and Kapha balancing properties.

Beneficial for men

Kalimirch is beneficial for men due to its aphrodisiac property. Piperine, a component present in Kalimirch has inhibitory effects. This inhibitory effect of piperine improves the level of testosterone and thus enhances sexual performance. Kalimirch also contains zinc and magnesium which helps boost sexual drive in males. Effective remedy to maintain sexual stamina in men because of its Vrushya (aphrodisiac) property.

Hair growth

It helps in managing hair problems such as dandruff. This is due to its anti-fungal activity. Kalimirch is also said to prevent baldness. However, it is advisable to consult a doctor before using Kalimirch or its products on the scalp and hair.

Kalimirch helps to maintain hair growth when its oil is applied on the scalp. Kalimirch oil helps to remove excess dryness from the scalp which is due to an aggravated Vata. This prevents the growth of dandruff because of its Vata balancing property.
Tips:
1. Take 3-4 drops of Kalimirch oil.
2. Mix it with coconut oil
3. Apply on scalp and hairs twice or thrice a week
4. To promotes hair growth quickly

Side effects of Kalimirch

1. Kalimirch is considered to be safe when consumed in food amounts or in medicinal amounts. But consuming Kalimirch in large amounts can accidentally get into the lungs and may cause choking especially in children.
2. It may cause a burning sensation in the stomach in high doses.
3. If accidentally, Kalimirch enters the eyes, it may cause a burning sensation in the eyes as well.

Laugh a Loud

There is a strong correlation between disease and stress. So if negative emotions such as worry and anxiety promote the disease, and positive emotions like happiness and laughter would annul it. It’s Perceived by the Patient, that “ten minutes of laugh allowed two hours of good sleep.”

A reasonable person might ask, “How does this work?” “How exactly does laughter improve physical functioning?”

The Physiology of Laughter

Gelotology is the study of the physiological effects of laughter on our bodies. Laughter, in simple terms, can be described as a total body, physiological response to humor. Similar to aerobic exercise, a hearty laugh involves contraction and relaxation of facial, chest, abdominal and skeletal muscles, easing muscle tension and spasms that create chronic pain. Within the first ten seconds of laughter, fifteen facial muscles contract and relax while stimulation of the zygomatic major muscle (the main lifting mechanism of your upper lip) occurs.

Due to effect of laughing normal cyclic breathing pattern is disrupted; this causes increased ventilation, clearing of mucous plugs and accelerating the exchange of residual air (which will boost blood oxygen levels). In extreme cases, the face may become red or purple. Studies have shown that simply twenty seconds of laughter has the ability to double heart rate for the following three to five minutes. As a result, its described laughter as “a form of jogging”.

Laughter induction initiates the fight-or-flight stress response. However, approximately 20 minutes after laughter, physiological measures such as heart rate, blood pressure, and muscular tension, drop below baseline levels. A sense of physiological and psychological relaxation and calmness occurs that can last up to forty five minutes following the person’s last laugh.

Your adrenal glands send catecholamines into your blood when you’re physically or emotionally stressed. Which may, in turn, affect mental functions such as interpersonal responsiveness, alertness, and memory. Similarly, laughter stimulates the release of endorphins. Known as the brain’s natural opiate, endorphins can result in decreased pain and a sense of euphoria. Finally, laughter has been shown to decrease the secretion of the stress hormone, serum cortisol.

Laughter also appears to have beneficial effects on immune system functioning. Low levels of immunoglobin A (IgA) are correlated with high life stress and illness; preliminary evidence links laughter and IgA and experimental research has demonstrated that concentrations of IgA increased after viewing humorous videotapes. Research has also demonstrated a relationship between laughter and activation of natural killer cells and a type of white blood cell , which are important for effective immune system functioning.

Here are ways you can bring laughter in your life:

  • Make it a goal to laugh once per day. Each day, make it a point to identify the most amusing thing that occurred.
  • Slow down and recognize absurdities that inevitably occur daily.
  • Schedule laughter: look forward to something! Research indicates that simply the anticipation of laughter can improve cortisol and epinephrine levels.
  • Surround yourself with a social network of people who appreciate and reciprocate your humor.

In Conclusion, laughter can help improve mood, increase immune system functioning, and moderate stress hormones. Additionally, laughter is free (or at the very least, affordable) and it lacks harmful or unwanted side effects (with the exception of the occasional stomachache). It has been hypothesized that if a pharmaceutical company was to create a new medication that had the same benefits and side-effects as laughter, with a similar cost profile, it would gladly be embraced in the medical community.

Devil Passion

Many people say that one should find their own passion in life and should work towards it but the main question is

What actually passion is? “How do I find out what I am passionate about?”.

Passion is one of those words that people use often without really understanding the original meaning of the word. When most people refer to “passion“, they use it to mean strong emotions reflecting an intense desire or boundless enthusiasm.

Many people sit, think and try to figure out what they are passionate about. However that is not a correct way to figure out your passion.

For example, if you start a thinking session to figure out what you like you might come up with an idea that you like to cook.

Question is it really ! imagine if you have to cook 7 days a week, 8 hours a day. Would you still feel passionate to cook on the 8th day? Maybe not! However, things like these only seem to be nice when you think of them.

Let me tell you, When I was ten, I wanted to be a Doctor.

When I was 16, I knew biology was the part I liked most.

When I was 18, I knew I wanted to be an Advocate

When i actually followed it and did my studies and and i actually went for practicing I finally, truly gave up on ever being an Advocate.

Some things aren’t the way you imagine them. Sometimes the world is very different from what you expect. Sometimes your picture of yourself is false, or distorted.

So what is the best way to figure out your passion?

It is by actually trying out new things and doing them. The only true way of knowing if you like something or not is by actually doing it. Just like you cant figure out if you like a food item unless you try it. So give it a try and your experience will speak then. It’s actually journey towards discovering yourself in a better way to dig out the actual you. May be in this way you will be able to get to know your fitment and would enhance your knowledge and skills to your interest.

When you get this thing and want to test out if this is your passion, ask yourself this to yourself and you will get an answer.

I like doing this today, but will I like doing it for the next 5-10 years ?

If money was out of the equation, would I still do this for free?

Is this more enjoyable that other recreational activities I do?

If the answer to all these questions is yes, then congratulations you have figured out your passion.

Also, passion cannot be singular, it can also be a combination of multiple things as well. So once you know your passion you can add with your other best interest or hobbies to make your profession or even much more.

For example, if you are passionate about meeting new people and also you love travelling then you can open up a travelling agency and be a travel agent/ travel guide/ choose a profession which fulfills both of your passions.

Passion is an enthusiasm and excitement for life. Passion comes when you are being your authentic self and doing what comes naturally to you and that simultaneously challenges you, arouse the curiosity in you and motivates you. And what you do is in alignment with who you are, you get energy from Contrary to the idea that doing what you love makes work effortless, a passion puts you to work. It’s what you’re willing to sacrifice lesser leisure and pleasures for.doing it.

Seek it, and where you find it may surprise you and you will feel very fortunate.

Respect in Relationship

Flowers who does not speak but teach us a lot they also need to be respected we often pluck the flowers so roughly that its other steam are also been effected so before you do any task think before it, as it does not effect anyone’s respect.

Respect often seems like a meaningful and powerful word. We claim that we want others to treat us with respect, and we dislike it when others show us disrespect. But what’s the real meaning of this word?

Respect is a virtue and is personal choice. How we would be treating someone how we want them to treat us and others. I think if we all choose to respect each other. My point of view is that respect is when you accept the other person point of view and actions because in the overall you trust this person and you like the way this person behaves, because you identify yourself with.

Respecting someone may depend upon Personal characteristics: appearance,wealth voice, stature, attitude and lastly, by the opinion. I believe one should be respected for its knowledge and his thoughts and his well being not because of how much he or she earn or how much big house he or she had. Respect should be something that when you see the person it automatically comes from inside.

Respect goes to the person who loves you the most generally. If your girlfriend loves you more than your mom you respect her more. Respect can’t be forced on someone. You can only respect someone when your heart says to do so. So, respect is mostly given only to that person who loves you the most.

Self integrity bring out self respect. It means that you have healthy boundaries about the food you eat, the words you speak and the things you do. You walk your talk. Respect is not dependent on someone else, it’s dependent on how we treat ourselves. Respect from others becomes less important to you because it belongs to you already.

But in relationship to show respect one should accept his/her partners boundaries, one should not pressurize. If your partner doesn’t want to show love in public or lie to their parents. Knowing your personal boundaries makes it a lot easier to know when those boundaries have been crossed, and when you should end a relationship.

Trust plays essential role for bringing respect in any relationship. You can demonstrate trust by not texting or calling your partner constantly. Instead, text or call them once. Leave a message saying that you’re thinking of them, and that you hope to hear from them soon.This shows that you trust them to reach out to you when they can, and that you know your partner appreciates your efforts. Also, if you committed something take accountability of it so that your partner can easily trust on you.

In relationship all input necessary for Respect as an output is to Support each other, Speaking kindly to each other, Giving each other space,Valuing each others feelings and needs,Talking openly and honestly without hiding or Telling a lie, Listening to each other.

Forgiveness in Relationship

Forgiveness can change your life. Forgiveness does not mean you erase the past, or forget what has happened. It doesn’t even mean the other person will change his behavior — you cannot control that. All it means is that you are letting go of the anger and pain, and moving on to a better place.

It’s not easy. But you can learn to do it !

And let me tell you time heals . So keep patience . If it’s your fault accept it and try to rectify it that’s what you can do. If it’s his/her fault forgive them. As realized with time nothing is going to be permanent, think if that person will not be there what we will do with their fault or wrong done to you.

The more you will discuss these things with others the more it’s going to mess your head. I tried that too. I don’t think anyone can truly understand what you are going through. Revenge & Blame game or abuse won’t take you anywhere. Don’t think bad about them or yourself. It’s life people makes mistake all the time what important is that you want to rectify it and will not repeat it again.

Just accept it whatever your reality is. Don’t try to fight it. Cry as much as u want. May be someday you will learn to live with it. The person that did you wrong is not forgiven for the act and when they are forgiven it does not mean what they did was ok. You must forgive to release yourself of that person and the anger you are carrying. It releases you of carrying the BAD that was done to you and you become free of that person.

Make yourself much busy that if you are a working person start taking your work more seriously. Start developing some hobbies like planting, cooking, painting, dancing out with your friends keep yourself busy. Start giving you more time and do what you love.

Everyone sent to your life is teaching you a lesson. Then, after you learn your lesson from him/her that hurt you, let it go. Remember forgiveness is a choice. It’s something that you have to do for yourself, so that you can move on without carrying the extra weight around.

Lastly I want to share a quote by mahatma Gandhi ji “Nobody can hurt you without your permission”. When you forgive someone that means you don’t give them permission to hurt you anymore.